And Now Back To Your Regularly Scheduled Tigers Blog

Sorry for the extended break everyone. Busy, busy end of the month that kind of resembled exactly how up and down the Tigs have been since I last caught up with you. But regardless, I am back and here with you now.

I'm not going to rehash the last two weeks of Tiger baseball for you. Doing so would require about 1,500 words and I would become so angry by the end of it that I wouldn't have enough willpower to do a preview of tonight's game. That being said- here's a quick recap:

Loss. Win. Bad Loss. Loss. Win. Big Win. Loss. Loss. Loss. Big Win. Loss. Awful Loss.

Okay good, we're up to speed.

So the Tigs enter tonight's game against Cleveland 3.5 games back in a division race that's becoming more and more of a two horse show. In fact, it might even be decided at this point already. The way the Indians have dominated the Tigers in the past two series has been disheartening at best. True the Tigs are suffering from some injuries right now, but it's like watching Indiana Jones run away from the Giant Rolling Rock, only not quite making it.

Mike Maroth takes the mound tonight, in a rematch of Saturday's pitching match up with Fausto (Stupid First Name) Carmona. Carmona is apparently not nearly as shitty as he was as a closer, since he is 6-1 this year and stayed in just long enough for the Tiger bullpen to collapse last Saturday and get the win. Kind of makes you wish for last year when he was giving up walk-offs night after night to Tiger batters at Comerica Park in July. Oh, the good ol days.

On the brightside for the Tigers, Carlos Guillen may be making his return to the line-up tonight. This would be great because we wouldn't have to watch Neifi Fucking Perez play shortstop any more. At least I pray to God that we won't have to.

I swear to God, by the way, that if Jose Mesa makes another appearance as a Tiger, I'm going to throw a small, breakable object against the wall and watch it shatter. I hate that guy so much. In fact, after last night's performance, he is now officially Jose Fucking Mesa.

Keys to the Game-

• Stop pitching to Travis Hafner. He might be coming out of the slump he was in last weekend against the Tigs, since he completely destroyed Justin Verlander yesterday. Looks like Jim Thome Reincarnate has come back to Cleveland. Fantastic.
• Don't let Gary Sheffield break his bat and get kicked out of the game. Channel your anger into crushing the ball Sheff- not trying to murder the umpire.
• Don't let Jose Fucking Mesa pitch.
• Don't let Neifi Fucking Perez hit.
• Or play the field
• Keep Cleveland under five runs. Either they're going to be held down at that point, or they're exploding for over 10 runs. There's no real median with this team.